Thursday, March 17, 2005

No more wolfy business...

Twas the story of a nobleman who was gazing out of his window. Upon seeing a hunter he knew asked the hunter to check with details of the hunt. While in the forest, the hunter stumbled upon a wolf. “Alas! A wolf”, exclaimed the hunter. The wolf made a snarling sound and made a break for freedom. The hunter soon gave chase. The wolf soon tired out, and slowed to a walking pace. The hunter dived on the beast in an attempt to rid the forest of such a horrible creature. In the ensuing struggle, the hunter severed one of the wolf's paws with his BBQ utensil kit, and placed it in his duffle bag, in a weird sadistic ritual. The hunter looked forward to consuming the wolfy prize, with cheese and crackers upon returning to his hired BBQ facility pre-ordered at the local roller ring. Upon returning to the chateau with his gruesome prize, in readiness for the consumption, he opened the pouch to show the nobleman evidence of his encounter. What they discovered was not a paw at all; in fact, the pouch contained what looked to be a masculine hand bearing an elegant gold ring. The nobleman recognised the ring and sent the hunter away. The nobleman then went looking for his boyfriend. When he came upon him in the garage, next to the blueprints and designs of the contraption he had called “the wheel” on the walls, he found him nursing a wounded arm. He removed the bandage only to find that his hand had been cut off. Upon questioning his boyfriend, he finally admitted to being the wolf the hunter had encountered in the forest.

“Brutus, how come you didn’t tell me that you were a wolf?”
“I did meet you at the gay bar for wolves five years ago!” exclaimed Brutus, “Didn’t you twig then?”
"I just thought that you had a lot of body hair!” the nobleman stated abruptly.
"Clearly you were wrong, young nobleman", stated Brutus.
The nobleman, stood stunned for several seconds.
“I can’t believe this is happening to me”, he thought over and over in his head.
Brutus was bleeding heavily from the stump of the wound.
“This is hurting badly”, he said “is there anything we can do to fix this problem?”
“Nope, all we can do is eat it. This was my intention when I cut it off your arm in the first place”.
Brutus screamed.
“Nooooooooo” he exclaimed.
“Alright, alright, we’ll sew it back on”, said the nobleman. “Come over to the sewing machine.”

It took over an hour for the nobleman to attach the severed arm to Brutus’s bloody stump. The duo was exhausted. Especially Brutus. He had spent most of the time screaming at the top of his lungs. The pain was gargantuan, but the ordeal was finally over.

“Phew”, said Brutus. “Thanks for that”
“You’re welcome” stated the nobleman, “I hope this doesn’t come between us”.
“Nah, you’re alright, it was my fault. I’ll never morph into a wolf ever again” Brutus said softly.
“Good, no more wolfy business”

And they lived happily ever after…. THE END...

4 comments:

stevedogg said...

good work son!

Anita Marie Moscoso said...

I'll say this, your use of barbecue utensils is a refreshing change from the old silver bullet!

Anita Marie

Anita Marie Moscoso said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Heather Blakey said...

We need more of that humour of yours interwoven into this story. Silver barbecue utensils are an interesting step up from the silver bullet, created from the silver of a crucifix. Making this a modern urban legend is a good move Adam.